Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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