Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
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strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
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I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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