On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
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I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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