Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize