Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We just shotgunned beers for America
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Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
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Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
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