I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
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Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
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Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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