My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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