Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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