I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize