she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
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Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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