I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
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I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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