hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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