Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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