It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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