Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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