I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Four minutes until I can fart!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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