If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize