Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
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promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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