ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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