Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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