I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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