this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
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Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
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that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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