Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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