When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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