i wish starbucks made bloody marys
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize