Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
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I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
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Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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