This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
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My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
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Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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