I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
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come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
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Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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