Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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