thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
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Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
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You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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