the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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