I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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