i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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