Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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