Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
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I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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