Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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