I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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