I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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