I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
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The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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