So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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