Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize