I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
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You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
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Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sext me about skeletons
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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