Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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