But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize