ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
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Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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