So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
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you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
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This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize