wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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