you turned your livingroom into a bong?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
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I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
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Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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