so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
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I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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