I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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