Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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